Week 4: Honeymoon Suite

Week of May 2nd 2015

Dear Diary ,

Sorry I've been MIA the week- I was away in the Dominican for a week with my Bestie Nicole. We booked last minute after an unfortunate text message from my ex The PA (aka party animal) sent me into a horrible spiral of self-pity. The PA is the last guy that I dated seriously that treated me like shit but I stuck around because I was trying to "fix him." It lasted five months before I finally realized that I was the one that needed fixing if I was willing to put up with such a Dick for so long. Long story short he messaged me saying, "Happy Bird day..", (even though it has been a month since my birthday.) Clearly he was high, unless in the unlikely event it was some sort of day in celebration of birds but somehow I doubt that. 

I graciously sent a message saying "thank you but you're a month late." to which he responded ten hours later, "Who is this?" Of course, I called Nicole to console me. After polishing off two glasses of wine we stumbled upon a great, non-refundable deal to Dominican, which on a sober head the next day we could not get out off. So last Tuesday we packed our bags and took off down South. 

The trip was an entirely relaxing holiday where I met zero men but on the bright side Nicole and I were showered with good fortune- from a free room upgrade to the honeymoon suite, to private candlelit tables for dinner. It was only on our last day that I realized they thought we were lesbians- why else would two relatively good-looking, almost thirty year olds be single right? 

Anyway, back from paradise now and realize that I may be destined to spend the rest of my life in a faux, lesbian relationship with Nicole. Feeling quite happy about that actually-things could be much worse! 

I'll be back shortly. I am awfully intrigued by a show on TV at the moment called, "Naked and Afraid." (Partially to do with the fact that this sums up exactly how I feel about seeing my body post-vacation in my unflattering bathroom lighting.) Also if you're wondering about Alfie, he is still with me. My roommate watched him for me while I was away. I missed that little cranky bastard.

Talk soon babies

xx

Introducing Charlotte Miller

Hello my name is Charlotte and I'm a serial dater. There I admitted it. Can we move on now? 

I am 29 years young, living with an annoying roommate who leaves dirty mason jars everywhere and her equally annoying cat who stalks me day and night. I'm convinced he wants to kill me in my sleep. I'm also sort of single. The reason I say sort of is because I have two very important boyfriends in my life- my best friend Nicole and Net-Flix. (Pronounced Nay- Flee. It's French.)

I never thought I would be one to share my life with the world but there are only so many times I can whine to my friends and family about my shortcomings before they tune me out- so here I am internet. Thanks for listening. 

I have always been that girl with a guy in her life. From serious boyfriends to seriously dating a "guy-friend" for months, to casually dating Tim, Chuck and Jeff at the same time as means to fill up my social calendar. I have never truly experienced single life. And yet, I just turned 29 and I feel more single than I have ever been. My age has crept up on me and I am now stuck in that awkward phase where all of my friends, acquaintances, enemies and baby sister are settling down. Thank God for my best friend Nicole who is equally as single and provides me with all of the ego stroking support I need. (She's not allowed to get a boyfriend until I do- fortunately she's a cooperative one.)    

In a mere 12 months I will be 30. THIRTY. The big 3-0. The Dirty Thirty. And I have decided to take control of my life. This year will be different. I can just feel it. I AM TAKING BACK CONTROL! The first step to fixing a problem is figuring out what the problem actually is. Here is my list so far: 

1. I love wine a little too much.

2. Netflix, eating Nutella with a spoon and sleeping alone with my face smeared in pimple cream excites me more than any guy I have met in the last year.

3. I do love the act of going on a date but most of the time lose interest in the guy almost immediately because he's boring.

4. Although the odd time I do like a guy, of course he ends up messaging me five days after the date, when I've already resolved that he's dead.

5. I have no filter.

6. I watch too many romantic comedies and Disney movies so may have slightly unrealistic expectations of what a man should be like. Perfect- is that really asking for too much?

7. I own a moo-moo. 

Friends and family tell me I'm too picky- that I should settle down already and stop blaming everyone else for my single status. But they just don't get how hard it is to date some of these guys-it's not me, it's them... 

Twenty Nine is my year and I'm inviting you to follow me on this journey of self-discovery and finding love. (Or don't. I probably won't be able to tell if you're reading anyway. I'm still not very good with computers.) 

A bientôt. I hear a glass of wine calling my name. 

xx